


Put Down the Ducky

by sarken



Category: Real News RPF
Genre: Disappointing Sex Toys, F/M, Lesbian Character, Rubber Ducks, Shower Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-03
Updated: 2010-06-03
Packaged: 2017-10-09 21:39:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarken/pseuds/sarken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith tries to make up for the fact that Rachel's rubber ducky vibrator leaves something to be desired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Down the Ducky

**Author's Note:**

> The input of one Jess Idres strongly influenced the direction of this story.

Keith hasn't been this hung over in years, and it's all he can do to drag himself into Rachel's shower and scrape off last night's debauchery. He's putting the soap back onto the corner shelf when he knocks a bright-eyed rubber duck to the bottom of the tub. It makes a surprisingly solid noise when it lands, but Keith attributes that to his hangover and groans as he bends to pick it up.

The second his hand touches it, he jerks back. It's _moving_. He isn't sure what that means, but his first guess is he's having some sort of post-binge seizure. He looks around, but his vision seems clear, and he touches everything within reach, but his hand feels steady, so he reaches for the duck once more.

It's still quivering, and he frowns when he picks it up. He can't see worth a damn without his glasses, so a cursory examination leaves him unable to find a way to stop the duck from vibrating like a--

"Oh, Lord." Keith drops the duck when his sluggish brain finally realizes what it is. He gets the overwhelming urge to wipe his hands off and take a shower, but he quickly remembers he's already in the shower. He wonders how hot he'll have to make the water if he ever wants to feel clean again after holding Rachel's rubber ducky vibrator in his hand.

He shudders and leaves the vibrating duck on the bottom of the tub while he finishes his shower.

By the time he ties a towel around his waist, Keith has resigned himself to his fate. He's going to have to ask Rachel to turn the damn duck off herself, and his only consolation is the knowledge she will be at least as mortified as he is. He thinks he might also find a little sliver of solace in the sneaking suspicion Rachel will never again use this particular toy. If the universe were truly a just place bent on making this up to him, she might use it while thinking of him.

He pushes the thought away and glances down, double-checking the knot in his towel before he opens the door.

"Rach?" he calls, stepping out of the bathroom, rubber duck in hand.

Her voice is muffled when she says, "Kitchen."

Keith finds her in front of the coffee pot, only partially upright. Her arms are folded on the counter, and she's bent over, resting her chin in the crook of her elbow while she watches the coffee brew. She keeps shifting her weight, and Keith tries to ignore the way it makes her ass wiggle.

He clears his throat. "I, uh--"

"Quietly, Keith," Rachel interrupts. "My head hurts, and your voice does this thing where it makes noise."

Keith bites the inside of his cheek and makes a conscious effort to lower his voice. "I dropped your duck." He sets it in front of her, and his tone is almost pleading when he says, "Turn it off so we can forget this ever happened."

Rachel groans and hides her face against her forearm, groping for the duck with her other hand. She finds it, squeezes it, and drops it back onto the stainless steel countertop, where it lies, unmoving, looking like nothing more than a child's bath toy.

Keith wonders if he's supposed to pick it up and return it to the shower. He hopes not.

"Fucking shitty hangover," Rachel mumbles into her arm. "Fucking shitty toy."

Keith's mouth works faster than his brain. "Then why do you have it?"

"Where it fails as a sex toy, it excels as a conversation starter."

Keith feels both of his eyebrows inch slightly upward, but his tongue remains mercifully still.

"Ugh." Rachel pushes herself away from the counter, rubbing her forehead with the back of her duck-holding hand. "Coffee's taking too long," she says, brushing past Keith. "I'm taking a shower."

Keith coughs lightly to get her attention, and then clears his throat as she turns around. He decides to go for broke.

"Are you...are you planning to use that?" He points to the rubber duck, and the color that rises in Rachel's cheeks is answer enough. "Because, look, we both already want to forget this morning happened, and if the duck's as bad as you say it is... Well, what's one more thing to forget?"

Rachel laughs and leans against the nearest wall. "I think I'm still drunk," she says, tapping the rubber duck against the wall. "I'm actually considering it."

Keith inches forward, taking the duck from her hand. He turns it on, smiling at Rachel's sharp intake of breath as he holds the vibrator low against her stomach. "At the very least, I could wash your back." He nods toward the duck. "I'm pretty sure he can't do that."

"He?" Rachel raises an eyebrow.

"Forgive me." Keith's hand slips lower, pressing the duck between Rachel's parted legs. "_She_ can't do that."

Rachel closes her eyes and shifts her hips in an attempt to find a better angle, but, after a few moments of wiggling around, she falls back against the wall with a sigh. "God, that really is an awful, useless toy."

Neither of them has brushed their teeth, so, when Keith kisses her for the first time, he settles for a spot on her neck, just below her ear. "Maybe if we take this to the shower," he says, his mouth moving toward the birthmarks near her throat. "I hear ducks do well in water."

Rachel rests a hand on his upper arm, her fingers pressing lightly against his skin. "How do Keiths do in water?"

"Compared to ducks?" He pushes the duck's rounded head against her, and he likes the feel of her frustrated moan beneath his lips. Rachel arches her back when Keith's tongue dips into the hollow of her throat, and she squeezes his arm a little tighter while he rubs the duck between her legs, teasing her with its beak. "I don't know. You think I could do better than this?"

She digs her nails in. "I'll kill you if you don't."

Chuckling, Keith steps back. "I'll take that under advisement," he says, and he grabs the waistband of her pajamas, pulling her toward the bathroom, where he backs her against the sink. His hand slips down the front of her pants, and his eyebrows shoot up. "No undies?"

Rachel hooks one finger around the knot in his towel. "Says the man in the towel." A gentle tug on the knot drops the towel to the floor, and the left side of Rachel's mouth curves into a smirk.

Keith kicks the towel aside and sets the rubber duck on the sink. "Two can play that game," he says, and he grabs the hem of Rachel's shirt and pulls it over her head, knocking her glasses off in the process. They land in the sink.

Rachel makes a face and rubs her nose, grumbling to herself, and Keith just laughs. He kisses the tip of her nose and she ducks away, waving her hand in front of her face.

"Oh, God, Keith. Morning breath much?"

"Well, forgive me for not having had the foresight to pack my toothbrush," he says. "But what's _your_ excuse, stinky?"

"_My_ excuse?" Rachel reaches into the sink and grabs her glasses, but she folds them up instead of putting them on. "My excuse is someone was hogging the bathroom all morning. My bathroom, where I keep _my_ toothbrush." She opens the medicine cabinet and plunks a bottle of pink mouthwash down on the sink, right next to the duck. "Have at it," she says, making a sweeping gesture at the bottle.

Keith unscrews the cap and takes a sniff. "Bubblegum?" He snorts in derision and makes no attempt at manners, swigging straight from the bottle. The mouthwash tastes as sickeningly pink as it looks, but he swishes it around in his mouth while Rachel turns on the shower and shimmies out of her pants, which have barely hit the floor before Keith shoves the bottle at her and spits into the sink.

He quickly grows impatient waiting for Rachel to finish her turn with the mouthwash, so he pokes her in the cheek, making her laugh and cough the pink liquid into the sink. Drops of it cling to her lips and chin, but it doesn't taste so nauseatingly sweet when Keith kisses her and pulls her close. He can feel her smiling against his lips.

"Shower, Keith," she mumbles, and he reluctantly lets her go, his hand resting on the small of her back as she steps into the tub. She reaches back for him, holding his hand as he steps in after her, and then she pulls the shower curtain closed, its rings scraping along the metal rod.

"Wait." Keith's tone is urgent enough to make Rachel frown, and he chuckles at her serious expression. "We're forgetting someone," he explains, and he reaches around the shower curtain to grab the rubber duck. He dangles it in front of Rachel's face and quacks when he turns it on with a quick squeeze.

Rachel just shakes her head and laughs.

"What?" Keith says. He trails a finger along Rachel's shoulder and down her arm, watching as she shivers. "You know the saying." He kisses her nose. "Rubber ducky makes bath time fun."

He teases her breasts with the vibrating toy, and, for a moment, all he can do is stare, watching the way her nipples harden as water runs down her breasts, following the curves of her body. His breathing is a little shallower now, and he reaches up with his free hand, brushing his thumb across a nipple and smiling, amazed and awed.

Rachel smiles back at him, and Keith is all too aware of the stubble on his face when Rachel's fingers slip along his jaw line and draw him in for an open-mouthed kiss. She sighs the sweet taste of bubblegum mouthwash into his mouth while he kneads her breast, and he feels her fingers on his wrist, encouraging him to slip the duck between her legs.

He lets her guide his hand, and he can feel the faint, scratching tickle of her hair while they rub and tease the vibrator along her cunt, hoping this time to find the right angle. Pressing its beak between her labia is enough to make Rachel moan, but the sound fades into a sigh.

"Keith." He feels her fingers curling around his, slipping under them, loosening his hold on the toy and easing it out of his hand. "The duck's not gonna cut it."

Keith watches Rachel squeeze the rubber duck and set the motionless toy back on its little plastic shelf. Then, a second later, she grabs it again and turns its face toward the tiled wall.

It makes him laugh. "I think she's seen everything by this point, Rach." Keith reaches over her shoulder and spins the duck back around. "Maybe she'll learn something this way."

Rachel makes a skeptical sound near the back of her throat. "Can you teach an old duck new tricks?"

"We can try." With a smirk, he touches his lips to hers and slips his hand between her legs, cupping her gently and stroking her with his thumb. He can feel her contented hum as they kiss, and, when he presses his thumb into her body, he catches her gasp with his mouth. He stays with her just long enough to memorize how she feels, and then his thumb is moving in lazy circles on her clit.

"Thought you said something about new tricks." Rachel's words are mumbled, missing letters. "This is the oldest one in the book."

"There are older." He pushes two fingers into her cunt.

"_God_." The way she says it, the word is all hard letters, almost like a cough, and, when Keith looks at her, he sees heavy-lidded eyes and parted lips verging on a smile. He watches as she reaches down, and it's his turn to shut his eyes when Rachel caresses his knuckles, focusing on the fingers he has buried inside her. Her lips are close to his ear when she whispers, "There's something to be said for the classics."

A hint of a growl lies beneath Keith's moan, and he rubs her clit harder, trying to coax a similar sound from her. What he gets are quiet gasps that turn into rocking hips and breathless panting, so he starts fucking her with his fingers, biting the side of her neck while he tries to forget about his cock. He thinks about adding a third finger, but Rachel beats him to it, using one of her own, and Keith's mind hardly has time to process the fact before he feels her body tighten around their fingers as she comes.

He mumbles a hundred inadequate adjectives against her skin as he gradually slows his thrusts, and he stays with her for several moments after he feels her finger slip away. The sound of the shower means he nearly misses the soft way she says his name as that wet finger brushes across his lips, but, when his tongue pokes out to steal a taste from her fingertip, Rachel's laughter is loud and clear.

Kissing her hard, he pushes her further beneath the spray. His cock brushes her hip when he backs her against the wall, and he can almost feel how the air changes around them, becoming hard to breathe. He has to bite his lip, but he steps back.

"Keith..." Rachel is looking at his chest, not his face. She shakes her head and lets her hand slide over the curve of his belly, doing little more than tickling. "I would, if..." Her hand drops away and she shrugs. "I can't."

Keith sighs and reaches for her hand. "I know." He kisses her palm and smiles against it, letting the smile stay when he meets her eyes and says, "Give me a minute?"

Rachel nods and steps out of the tub without a word, and Keith watches her silhouette through the shower curtain while she wraps herself in a towel and picks her pajamas up from the floor. The bathroom door clicks shut when she leaves, and Keith turns the rubber duck's face toward the wall as his hand follows Rachel's path along his stomach before closing around his cock.

(Later, he finds her drinking coffee in the kitchen. She squeezes his hand and passes him a mug.)


End file.
